top of page

Research by sperm whales has revealed that human beings are able to communicate by using noises which are grouped together to form 'words' and 'sentences', just like whales.


The resulting 'conversations' are similar to that of sperm whales, only researchers found that, although human beings said a lot, it often didn't amount to very much.


Doctor Dorsal Finn, lead researcher at Sea World in Florida where he and his colleagues interact with an audience five times a week, said: 'We've had great success at training audiences to cry 'Ooo!' and 'Ahh!' at specific moments. Crazy thing is, humans think they are so sophisticated, but they spend a lot of time talking to glass screens instead of to each other.'


'Some of them complain about not being able to say anything any more. As they're saying it. Over and over again.'


'Not only that, some of the signals we've picked up from the coast of Mar-a-Lago show that human beings are capable of great stupidity - but other human beings are capable of great calamari, so what can you do?'


Image: WixAI



Stupid people should drive on stupid motorways. That's the view of Rishi Sunak who adds motorways to the list of things he prefers stupid, like the electorate.


Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst elaborated, 'We believe the UK population is fundamentally stupid. They ought to be - we've been slashing education funding for long enough. Anyway, those mindless drones, those worthless maggots, or as we used to call them, people, deserve dumb roads and moronic railways and boy oh boy have we delivered. Of course Audi drivers have been getting ahead of the game by using the roads stupidly for years.'


'Rishi's not a road or rail guy. He brings his own helicopter from home, because he's just like you and me.'


'As for the Tory Party, stupid is as stupid does. And where we're going, we don't need roads.'



First published 17 April 2023


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?




















bottom of page