Truss dumped Kwarteng with “It’s not you, it’s me” text message

KK - hey how you doing - get the friends reference Liz?

LT - yes Kwasi but not doing well hun

KK - what’s up hun

LT - you know you're my BAE? But it’s not you it’s me - I’m don’t know how to say this

KK - What

LT - I’m going to have to get a new Money man

KK - what do you mean

LT - It’s over Kwasi, can you give back the keys to number 11

KK - Please Liz, please don’t dump me - I’ve only just got back from New York to be specially by your side, I didn’t get a chance to do any Christmas shopping, visit the Friends building, hell I didn’t even get a chance to meet Tom Cruise at the IMF thingy you sent me to. All I got was boring economic talk. Please give me another chance. Pretty Pretty PLEASE.

LT - sorry it’s you or me, and this time it’s you and I’m seeing Jeremy now.

KK - Noooooooooooo

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First published 19 Oct 2022

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Andy Burnham's Hoax Message Exchange

Andy Burnham today repeated his denial to reporters that he was not embarrassed by the message exchange with someone purporting to be the chief of staff for US President Donald Trump.

'I repeat that I am not embarrassed by the exchange of messages with a person purporting to be US President Donald Trump's chief of staff,' stated the Prime Minister.  'But I can assure you - once again - that no information was passed to this individual.  This is a hazard of the job, it goes with the territory and while hoax calls and messages have happened before, especially to my predecessors, my staff have taken great steps to ensure that situations like this will not occur again.  Now, I think we should draw a line underneath the whole...'

At that, a mobile phone ringtone of Go West's King of Wishful Thinking sounded.

'Excuse me,' said the Prime Minister, 'I have to take this.  Ah, Lord Lucan!  Thank you for calling me back, it's good to hear from you again.'

Image credit: perchance.org

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