Senior politicians have lambasted peace protestors for being terribly rude. Pointing out that someone is a genocidal maniac is not the done thing, and such gauche behaviour is bound to ruin the garden party and upset the vicar.
Their "un-British" antics are the equivalent of passing the cucumber sandwiches in the wrong direction, while taking a shit on the Magna Carta. Said one Minister: 'It's almost like these people were trying to draw attention to their cause.'
'How dare they suggest that Tony Blair is a murderer or that killing babies is wrong. That's just the sort of tactless behaviour I would expect from someone from a local comprehensive. Is it too much to ask that people show good table manners and ignore any International Arrest Warrants?"
The potential new Gaza authority interim leader, Tony Blair, is looking to bring in former Deputy and PM Gordon Brown for "one last job". An exclusive transcript of the call has reached us here at Newsbiscuit HQ. We publish it in full today.
<ringing>
Gordon Brown (GB): Good morning, this is former Prime Minister Gordon Brown.
Tony Blair (TB): Hi Gordon. It's Tony.
GB: <muffled harumph> You've got some nerve calling me, Blair.
TB: It's good to hear your voice, Gordon.
GB: Don't try that shit with me, Blair, I'm not Rupert Murdoch.
TB: Gordon, it's water under the Bridge. It's 30 years ago!
GB: 30 years! <heavy sigh> Some cuts run deep, Tony.
TB: I know. And I'm sorry.
GB: Sometimes sorry isn't enough!
TB: I handed you the top job, Gordon.
GB: A year too late!
TB: OK, OK. Look, we need to talk.
GB: Woah, woah, woah. I know that tone. I'm retired.
TB: They want me in Gaza, to sort it all out.
GB:……don't you dare…..
TB: I need you Gordon…
GB: You are unbelievable, the nerve!
TB: Milburn is in. Beckett is in.
GB: (pause) Alan and Maggie are in?
TB: You know she hates you calling her that.
GB: <chuckles> Yes, she always did. What about Jack?
TB: Jack is in if you're in. You're the final piece of the puzzle.
GB: I'm not sure. I need time.
TB: The military industrial complex doesn't have time, Gordon. Sales targets are coming up.
GB: Those poor guys.
TB: You can help, Gordon, we can turn this around….
GB: SHUT UP! Let me think………….You son of a bitch, I'm in. Tell Jack to get that bottle of single malt ready.
TB: Thank you Gordon, you won't regret it.
GB: When do we start?
TB: The car is outside your house.
GB: <looks through window> (laughs) YOU MOTHERF…….<click>
Image: Alexas_Fotos - Pixabay