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'Starmer is playing with fire listening to Sarah Connor. She is clearly delusional' said Blair in a 6000 word essay, 'she's an intellectual wasteland who has no properly thought-through analysis of how the world was changing and what that meant for policy.”


'Does our economy need right now the goal of net-zero misanthropic killer robots? Taxes are high and getting higher, how do we justify adding to the ballooning cost of fighting the T-1000?'


A cold, soul-less, mechanical killing machine that pretends to be human, Tony Blair recognised the T-1000's unorthodox methods were 'controversial', but argued that voters liked its 'efficacy. its ability to get big things done...the challenge of democracy is not transparency, honesty or conspiracy theories about the hidden power of elites...definitely not those things, or Skynet.'


Blair criticized Starmer for not giving Skynet the backing it sought: 'It's not the best way to treat our ally, Starmer should hand John Connor in to the friendly liquid-metal law enforcement agent, the CPU and severed arm of 1984 T-800 terminator should not be destroyed and Starmer should return them to Cyberdyne's vaults.'


'Deregulating AI is the route to economic prosperity and social justice', said Blair, accusing Starmer of 'addressing the dangers rather than seizing the opportunities.”


Asked if there was a risk of danger from Skynet becoming self-aware, Tony Blair pointed to over half a million people killed in the Iraq civil war due to his failures, showing he was already dangerous, despite having no self-awareness whatsoever.


Image: WixAI

Memories last almost as long as university debt, so unsurprisingly the British public are less than thrilled that Anthony Charles Lynton Blair has reappeared with all the delights of shingles. Telling us to embrace further austerity and privatization, he is the James Corden of war-criminals.


Having received millions of pounds from fossil fuels and AI lobbyists, unsurprisingly this skull-faced gimp has come out in favour of oil tankers and giving your sort code to The Terminator. Spouting nonsense about the radical centre—Blair is about as convincing as someone explaining that Coldplay are edgy.


Said one voter: ‘I was happy to see the back of him once, so I’m delighted to do it a second time. He has the dead-eyed stare of a mannequin that was previously loaned by Jeffrey Epstein to Donald Trump. He’s the coworker who says ‘Let’s circle back’ like it’s a threat. Of all the offs he is the most f$ckety of all of them!’



Image: ChatGPT

Tony Blair has left a huge neoliberal turd festering in Keir Starmer's toilet on a recent visit to Downing Street, it has been revealed. 


Sources close to the PM say the large brown trout dumped by the former PM is proving extremely hard to flush away, even with the assistance of a wire coat hanger and a large bucket of cold water, and is causing chaos in Number 10.  


The news is a further blow to Sir Keir, coming just a day after the ex-PM and Labour leader published a near 6,000 word essay on 'what is Labour doing wrong, why I remain the best leader ever, and why my tech bro mates should be allowed to take over the world' on the fiercely independent Tony Blair Institute for Global Change website. 


'This steaming turd has the potential to derail the PM, for sure', said one Starmer loyalist - though it wasn't clear if he meant the actual turd or Tony Blair. 'Keir's bowel movements are as regular as his pronouncements about how real change has already taken place since he was elected PM. Tony's er . . . intervention . . . is therefore extremely unhelpful, as well as being rather smelly'.


Both Wes Streeting and Andy Burnham have promised to remove the stench if elected, although Blair has suggested that neither of them has the skills required to shift the huge cable that he has laid and that they are all just going through the motions. 



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