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Taylor Swift announces 12th break-up album


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Swift has built a reputation as a prolific love tourist. She puts the hopeless into hopeless romantic. Her Tinder profile has been swiped more than a stolen credit card. And she has been through more young men than an Ukrainian recruiting officer.


This will be her 12th studio break-up. It follows her record breaking tour of dating apps – wooing over 1.2 million people worldwide. This included eight nights at Wembley Arena, where she speed dated the entire UK population.


She has won 14 Grammys but won the hearts of countless Grandads. Ironically the announcement was made on her current boyfriend’s podcast: “I didn’t want him to find out this way but we are never ever getting back together.”



Oasis announce date of next split


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Noel and Liam Gallagher, the on-off partnership at the heart of the band Oasis, have teased the date of their next split on social media. 


If the suggestion is true, they will split after an acrimonious and violent row backstage during their forthcoming American tour, probably once the stadium’s already full of fans who have sold their kidneys to afford tickets. However, the band’s PR manager declined to say which brother will hit the other with a guitar and which will storm out, saying we’d just have to wait and see.


The two will then spend an unspecified period sniping at each other on social media until they finally realise they need the money - sorry, that blood’s thicker than water - and reunite once again.


Asked whether knowing about the row, split and reunion in advance doesn’t mean the whole thing’s just a publicity stunt, the PR manager said, 'No, they really are that stupid,' before Liam hit him with a cricket bat. 


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