After the government nationalised c2c railways last week, the next operator on the list is the North Western Railway, which runs all the rail services on the island of Sodor. It will also become part of Great British Railways, set up by the government to oversee the rail system in England, Wales and Scotland.
Transport Secretary Heidi Alexander said passengers had been suffering under-investment and waste, because the rail operator for Sodor had not been living in the real world.
The Minister said public ownership would tackle ‘deep-rooted problems’ experienced on the railway. Recent incidents have included trains stuck in tunnels, trains simply refusing to move, and various other bizarre incidents. Customer service has suffered because the rail company only has one replacement bus, called Bertie. She noted that the safety record of the Sodor railways are ‘very alarming’ and ‘a national embarrassment’. In addition, the remuneration of the Fat Controller was quite obviously far too high.
Nationalisation will put the railway on track for modernisation, with a new high-speed line, complete with bat tunnels, and due for completion by 2045, subject to funding. There will also be new rolling-stock, to replace the current fleet of steam-driven locomotives, many of which have faces painted on them. The Minister refused to be drawn on the likely costs.
Shadow rail minister Colin FitzJohnson said that the idea that savings could be made by nationalising the railways on Sodor were ‘a complete fiction’.
Picture credit: NightCafe studio AI
With commuters unable to avoid the British Transport Police's "See it, Say it, Sorted" campaign against potential terrorist acts, the force has now added advice for dealing with anti-social behaviour when travelling by public transport.
"Whether it's someone watching Tik Tok without headphones, or trying to surreptitiously vape into the ventilation grille and making the entire carriage smell of blueberries; the updated BTP app not only allows you to report this behaviour, but also uses AI to give you suitable put-downs so the people ruining your journey feel suitable chastised and possibly stop what they're doing," said leader of the project Superintendent Chalmers.
Within the new 'See it, Shout it, Sorted' section, users write a description of the act taking place and a witty insult appears within seconds. When tested with common things that would usually lead to eye rolling and tutting, results included, "Have you got any REM mate?", "Is that steam coming from your brain trying to add two and two?" And "Jet Fuel doesn't melt steel beams, it was clearly an inside job."
BTP promise future updates will include live translation, allowing you to shout zingers at people in any language, and - for the times hinting doesn't work - the ability to use your phone as a taser.
Image: Engin_Akyurt - Pixabay