MPS reject offer of time and a half wages for working last Saturday

MPs are insisting that the time and a half payment for Saturday work, they found written on this week’s pay packet is derisory; and unless it’s made up to double time, they won’t turn up on Saturdays again for the foreseeable future, even if Russia invades.

A now, non-existent, transgender spokesbeing for the MPs' union told Newsbiscuit “This is a complete mockery of what our members expected from the Labour Party; and the Tory faction of our membership in particular, feel completely betrayed in allowing them to take over government,”

image from pixabay

Harry Potter and the Trans Character who meets with an Unnecessarily Grizzly Death

A whooping JK Rowling was allegedly seen orchestrating an angry mob with pitchforks and torches, searching for trans people to 'ask legitimate questions'. That came after a legal ruling on representation on public sector boards was celebrated by all the wrong people.

Rowling and Graham Linehan are said to be co-writing a buddy comedy where all the trans characters are either evil killers or suffer gruesome torture and recant their trans-ness before dying horribly - or both. Both Rowling and Linehan cited William Shakespeare as a writer who would never use characters who cross dress or change gender.

One anti-trans activist proposed trial-by-toilet for trans people. '100% of trans people either want to commit or have committed or are committing right now, sex crimes in public toilets. Now that is not true, but it might be, which is close enough. Why are you so in favour of sex crimes in public toilets?'

'We must put trans people on trial, by dunking them into a public toilet. If they drown, then they're innocent, but if they survive, then we can legally put them to death on JK Rowling's birthday.'

Another interrupted, frothing at the mouth. 'I blame Les Dawson and maybe Mrs Doubtfire. Is hunting with dogs still banned? Typical lefties! We'll just have to resort to some good old fashioned, common sense, mob justice – maybe throw in a cheeky little lynching here and there for variety. I just can't wait to smash what I don't understand.'

Image credit: Stable Diffusion

Trump's transition team refuse to call it that

Fueled by culture wars and a lack of dictionaries, President-elect Trump has said he will refuse to transition. He said the trans community was a threat to the national identity, as opposed to himself, who was just a threat.

None of his cabinet would transition to government, and would resolutely stay in a camper van beside the Washington monument. Trump insisted he would keep men out of women's sport, and back where they belong, lurking around the changing room, offering spa days at Mar-a-Lago. An aide confirmed: 'Fortunately we do not have a gender neutral White House. It's always been men-only.'