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Lowe posted a photograph of a beautiful pea-green boat, close to wind turbines, off the Norfolk coast at about 20:25 BST, and said he had alerted the authorities.


He wrote: 'Authorities alerted, and I am urgently chasing.


'If these are illegal migrants, I will be using every tool at my disposal to ensure these individuals are deported to the land where the Bong-Tree grows and to a wood a Piggy-wig stands with a ring at the end of his nose.'


'Enough is enough. Britain needs mass deportations. NOW.'


However, at 06:38 on Friday, he explained the 'unknown vessel' was a false alarm. He accepted it had been a mistake and the Owl and the Pussy-Cat were not immigrants. They did, in fact, have some honey, and plenty of money, wrapped up in a five-pound note. which they were planning to give to the Turkey who lives on the hill so that he would marry them the very next day.


In a later post, external, Lowe said: 'As a well done to the betrothed, I'll donate £1,000 in Greggs vouchers towards their reception.'


'Wait a minute - are they giving the money to Turkey? Hooray! I've found a way I can blame the Muslims! Form an angry mob at once!'


Image: WixAI


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Ankara released a message: ‘Too long has our name been negatively associated with failure. And if we’re going to be linked to a festive meal, why that ridiculous bird? Why couldn’t we be called Cranberry Sauce – too rude, I suppose. Annoyingly some of the best names are already taken. Belgium has got dibs on the sprouts, Ukraine is nothing but stuffing these days and the UK is just a nation of pigs in blankets’


image from pixabay


First published 6 June 2022



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