'Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours, like me' croons Putin

The cancellation of the Australian soap Neighbours is now thought to be the primary motivation for the Russian invasion of Ukraine.

An aide to Putin said 'Vlad is a huge fan of Neighbours. He used to watch it twice a day, but he preferred it in the 1980s, much like the Soviet Union. He always used to sing along with the theme tune, you know, Neighbours... everybody needs good neighbours - like Russia! The show warmed the cockles of where his heart should be. Now it's being cancelled, he no longer believes good neighbours become good friends so the only possible alternative is invasion and the accompanying indiscriminate slaughter. Anyway who said nuclear war? Not me! Why are you always going on about nuclear war?'

Image: Pixabay/Pexels

www.newsbiscuit.com

First published 4 Mar 2022

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Reality show contestant completes task without panic

A contestant has completed a reality TV show challenge in good time with no last minute panic. Stunned viewers watched open-mouthed as Caroline Frodsham, a project manager from Stoke, completed the redecoration of a cake shop with an hour to spare and under budget.

'I simply worked back from the deadline and planned out the tasks to fit the budget,' said Ms Frodsham. 'The client initially wanted a very ambitious design, but we had a sensible and open discussion on what was realistic - your know, like adults - and they were happy with the end result.'

'She was polite, competent and efficient,' said series producer Josh Wyndham, 'the bastard. Who wants to watch that? No tears, no breakdowns, no bitching about her fellow contestants... She embarrassed us all in front of the nation. Mark my words, she'll never work in reality TV again.' Despite this threat, Ms Frodsham appeared unconcerned, apparently quite happy to continue working in actual reality instead.

Image credit: perchance.org

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