An address from the US president has been so vacuous, rambling, incoherent and oozing with utter drivel that even the cockroaches couldn't take it any more.
'Look, I know we've got this reputation for surviving anything,' said a spokesroach, 'but compared to that, we'll take nuclear Armageddon any time.
'The moment that massive custard-topped clementine appeared, Cherry had had enough already. She chewed three of her own legs off and then beat herself to a pulp with them. Yellow pus everywhere. Hey, what females do with their own bodies is up to them.
'Then Horace started gnawing away at solid concrete. Someone tried to point out to him that concrete constitutes brunch for us roaches, but he pressed on taking out an inch of a pillar all the way through until the top section came down perfectly onto the bottom section like a pile driver, pancaking himself out of existence.
'I have to say, it was an impressive feat of precision engineering.
'Antennae went down right across the room. It became clear what we had to do, and we just got ourselves organised. Eddie rolled out a cotton reel and, well, he's our journalist, so we don't know what happened after that.
'Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to take a bath to sort myself out. The sweet relief of sulphuric acid.'
Image: WixAI
