Biden: Wales could invade Cornwall at any moment

President Biden has said that an invasion of Cornwall by Wales could happen at 'any moment', and added that the US was ready to respond 'with a very angry email' should an invasion occur.

Cornwall has itself responded angrily to the suggestion, suggesting that the US should 'stay out of our tin mines'. Wales has also denied intending to invade Cornwall, despite a heavy build up of Welsh ramblers on the Cornish border.

Biden insists that a Cornish invasion is still 'very much possible' and that America will step in to secure Europe's pasty supply, sourcing pasties from Devon and Turkey if necessary.

In addition to a possible Welsh invasion of Cornwall, Biden has also warned that Norway could potentially invade Tierra del Fuego, 'literally any second now' and that India might start throwing eggs at Canada, 'just when no one is looking'. He has also advised that the town of Doncaster 'watch your backs, and keep an eye on Cheltenham, because those guys could just walk in, any time'.

image from pixabay

HS2 has 'no end in sight'? Surely some sort of platform would work?

The never-ending railway development, is set to last longer than re-runs of 'Friends'. Tracks continue to be laid for no other reason than they were there, a bit like Uni students at Fresher's Week.

An oversight by planners have seen the project overrun, literally, with tracks now covering three fifths of the Earth's surface. Confessed one contractor: 'We were supposed to terminate at Euston Station but instead we kept going. Currently we are somewhere near the Suez Canal and not one buffet cart in sight.

'At the other end, skipping Birmingham proved popular with our focus groups, but now we don't know where to stop. Wales is too wet and the Irish sea is...well, too wet.' Asked if she thought the project would be delayed further: 'The upside of a track that never ends, is there aren’t enough leaves to cover it’.