Brian Welch (51) has just spent five weeks researching 3D printers, weighing up size, price and reviews and then spent £562 to buy the latest and greatest 3D printer on the market. When it arrived, he unpacked it and stood it on the dining room table, which wobbles because one leg is, annoyingly, shorter than the other three.
'The wobbly table has always irritated me,' he told reporters, admitting he should have sent it back to Argos years ago. 'The wobble made setting the 3D printer up a little tricky, but I got there in the end. I looked up some online designs and found one for a drink coaster which looked, well, round and about two millimetres thick,' he said.
Within two days, after fourteen failed attempts and approximately forty-two pounds worth of consumable material, Brian had created a startling, if very red, drink coaster that slips nicely under the shorter leg of the dining table and stops it wobbling.
Brian is convinced 3D printers are the future. 'No more ten-minute trips to B&Q to buy a replacement clip or a pack of wall plugs when all I need to do is fire up the printer, search for a suitable product design to download, press print and wait a day or three,' he said, packing the printer back into its box. 'I need the space on the table, so I'll just pop this in the attic until I need it,' he said. 'It's practically paid for itself,' he argued, waving his coffee mug around, looking for something to put it on.
'Looks like I need to order some mug mats,' he said.
Image credit: ChatGPT
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Gary, who is having an extension to his house, had a load of waste that he needed to be taken away. Delville, a local handyman, offered to take it away and dispose of it for a reasonable fee, and so Gary agreed. Later that day, Gary walked around the corner from his house and saw the rubbish piled on the pavement. He complained to Delville, who offered a refund of part of the money but claimed that he could not move the waste because he was, in his words, 'short of resource'. Gary contacted a different waste disposal contractor to remove the next load of waste. However, at the agreed time it was Delville who turned up with a truck and began loading the waste. When challenged, Delville explained that he had accepted a subcontract from the other disposal firm. He added that he was the only waste disposal operative in the area and there was 'zero chance' that anyone else would do it. Again, Gary went for a walk and found the waste dumped on a local pavement. He then hired a truck himself and began loading his waste. Delville turned up and told him to stop, as he was was not a licenced operator. Delville called the police, who told Gary that he was not allowed to transport the waste himself. 'At least I'm not as bad as the water companies' said Delville. 'I only take your money when you get the builders in.'
First published 30 Sep 2023
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