New Channel 5 reality cop show: Hosepipe Interceptors

Channel 5 has announced another crime busting reality show to fill its prime time "not the news and it's still a bit early for a documentary about porn" slot.

Hosepipe Interceptors will follow a crack team of specially trained officers and dogs as they use millions of pounds of technology to contain and punish criminals who insist on going against societal norms, without even thinking about the consequences.

In one episode we have seen they will tut quite loudly as a single mother in a ground floor council flat is tasered whilst filling a paddling pool for her toddler.

Roll your eyes as the ex-army major is caught watering his prize roses in the dead of night when all law-abiding citizens should be tucked up in their beds, and laugh as trainee police canine, Max, bites the water jet rather than the arm of the Porsche owner hosing the pollen off his car at 5 in the morning.

You pay your taxes, you may as well watch it while you can still afford the electricity. And anyway, there's nothing else on. Channel 5. Tuesdays. Probably.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/mikes-photography-1860391/

Water companies warn river levels too low for dumping sewage

a low river pictured recently

Water companies have expressed alarm that low water levels will curtail the ability to pump raw excreta into fresh-water ecosystems, their primary business activity.

“How can we discharge unprocessed effluent into bodies of water with impunity, if there isn’t any water”, said a representative of the water companies, “no-one wants to see us forced into a position where we’re treating the sewage into noncontaminants like clean water and fertiliser.”

Environment Minister, George Eustice, confirmed that emergency strategies were being implemented.

“We’re getting on with the job of rolling out world-beating measures, ranging from ploughing toxic sludge into dry river-beds, through to spoon-feeding faeces directly into the mouths of floundering aquatic fauna,” he said, “we’ll do whatever it takes avoid a worst-case scenario, where people are obliged to defecate into their own garden ponds, bird baths and goldfish bowls”.

Hat-tip SteveB

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/peggychoucair-1130890/

Water saving hack