By a strange coincidence, suggested cutbacks to NATO spending have prompted a shrill response from the military–industrial complex. US diplomats are so aghast at reduced defence budgets, that the collective tightening of their sphincter muscles was mistaken for a Lockheed YF-12 taking off from an anus.
In response, the US Ambassador immediately flew to Brussels with free copies of ‘Gun’n’Ammo Monthly’ and a 2-for-1 voucher on nuclear deterrents. A Pentagon spokesman confirmed: ‘In this era of terrorism, it’s important that we are armed with the most high-tech weapons. God knows, the terrorists are. Mainly because we sold it to them.’
With an annual defence spend of over $1 trillion, the US might easily be accused of having a vested interest in the pursuit of war. However, one diplomat explained: ‘Liking guns doesn’t mean you like war. If you like porn, do you like sex? Bad example. Well, what about restaurants and food? Still no good? Hey, I like sport, but I don’t like the NFL. Whadaya mean American football isn’t a sport?!?’