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After planning the most diverse space crew since Star Trek: the Next Generation, with four semi-geriatrics covering both male and female astronauts and including a first for a moon mission: a person of colour and, controversially, a Canadian, though not necessarily the same person, NASA has now outlined its plans for Artemis 3 which will land a crew of four-ish on the surface of the moon.


'We intend to select talented non-binary, gender fluid individuals who have interesting, if incomprehensible, pronouns,' stated a NASA spokesperson, who answered to the pronoun s(he), or 'Them' for short. 'We've reached out to the LGBTQαβγ∆ρσ+ community, essentially the brightest non-binary personnel we have access to,' added the spokeswhatsit. 'The watchword is woke, and we're going where no Murdock newspaper has ever gone before,' the representative stated firmly, but without causing offence, obviously.


The spokewibble admitted that the Artemis 3 mission will rely on essentially a giant phallic shaped rocket funded by the least woke, essentially misogynistic owner of SpaceX, admitting it looked like a giant cock. 'As does the rocket,' he/she,them added.


It is now illegal to take insult at anything which someone writes as long as it is immediately followed by a smiley face emoji.

The law has been introduced to allow individuals the freedom to be explicitly rude or nasty without the added drawback of someone taking insult.

Mike has been an online troll for years and has recently started sending unpleasant work emails too: 'I love it, it makes me feel so big and powerful. But it's always such a pain when there are repercussions, it's not like the good old days where you could slag people off no end and you were held up as a hero. The woke brigade are on my back all the time, even for a bit of light hearted racism or sexism. But since the introduction of the Smiley Law it's been a doddle. I sent Susan from finance an email this morning saying 'shove it up your arse you pathetic witch ☺️' but because I included the smiley emoji there is nothing she can do about it. It's clearly meant in a nice way'.

Mike's employer have said they plan to text him later to tell him he's sacked followed by a laughing emoji to ensure he finds it hilariously funny.

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