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Admiring paunchy middle aged men to become an offence

Following the success of outlawing 'upskirting' and the recent attempts to ban 'downblousing', campaigners have succeeded in securing Parliamentary time to debate admiring middle aged men. 'For years men have had to endure women following them as they walked from the pub to the bookies,' said Bill, an ardent campaigner, today. 'Just because my jeans are baggy around the buttock area, revealing the crack of my arse when I stoop to pick up a discarded tab, doesn't give women the right to make lewd comments about wanting to park their bike - clearly a euphemism,' he added.

Alan agreed, 'they objectify my paunch,' he said patting his midriff and downing a pint of stout. 'If I was to comment about the size of a woman's breasts I'd be done for sexual harassment, but they think passing me a leaflet for weight-watchers, tapping my tummy and saying with a wink "see you there Thursday big guy" is acceptable. Everyone knows Thursdays are "pound a pint off" in the Crow.

Campaigners aren't too optimistic that they'll get the votes they need - middle aged men aren't considered worth keeping an eye on, according to research into MPs voting habits. 'Probably that new independent, Chris Pincher, can be relied to cast an eye over us,' said Bill

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