Boris, Gove & Hancock pen new England anthem: Three Liars On My Shirt

Massive England footie fans & world-leading purveyors of misleading facts and figures to the public, Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and all round fondling disgrace Matt Hancock, have gone all sporty, literally all of a sudden.

‘Absolutely bloody love footie,’ said Boris, ‘particularly when we thrash Merkel and her evil henchmen at das oik ball. This is exactly why I let three thousand Spanish Johnnie chappies over here last year to boost the atmosphere at Anfield, give them a damn good thrashing and give the virus an almighty boost for good measure.’

‘Absolutely bloody love bloody footie,’ enthused Michael Gove (aged nine and a half). ‘I’ve been an almighty big fan of Arsenal Hotspur for years, and I love the booing, especially from Sarah when I’m out for a jog. I can’t get enough of it, frankly.’

‘Bloody well absolutely bloody love bloody footie,’ said Matt ‘gigolo’ Hancock. Having us three liars on an England shirt and writing a song about it is an almighty dream come true.’

‘Let’s see. How does it go now? Oh yes – three liars on my shirt, footballs coming home…er…but not the wife, obvs.’