Nando’s is without chicken and McDonald’s without milkshakes because of supply chain issues, including a Brexistential shortage of HGV drivers.
A spokeschicken for Nando’s crossed the road, clucking that ‘Dominic Raab couldn’t have phoned Afghanistan to save the interpreters because he was on the phone to us, ordering lemon and herb but “not too spicy”. All we could give him was some lettuce and a moist towelette.’
A Foreign Office flunky denied this, saying 'Dom always orders Extra Hot, because he's a big brave boy. If he’s good and finishes all his phone calls, he’ll get a milkshake from McDonald’s.'
A Department of Transport spokesdriver, clearly Grant Shapps wearing a fake moustache, stuck an elbow out of a lorry window, articulating a possible solution to the lack of drivers: ‘For the first 8 hours you’re driving as Michael Green. Then for the next 8 hours you keep cruising as Sebastian Fox. Then another 8 hours behind the wheel as Corinne Stockheath – might need a little lipstick there. You can keep on trucking indefinitely with no safety implications. And you can honk the big horn. Toot toot. I’ve never felt so alive!'
HGV driver Ian Ingram said 'Covid had really cut down on the prostitute and hitchhiker murdering that my alter ego "Stabby Steve" enjoys. Sometimes he wears their lipstick afterwards. Also, sorry about any Haribo shortages. "Stabby Steve" needs the sugar after all the murdering. The last one looked a bit like Grant Shapps in drag.'