top of page
Search

Microsoft Clippy returns as Prime Ministerial adviser



A Downing Street spokesman has confirmed that Clippy will immediately be on board as part of the Prime Ministerial guidance team.


Clippy is a beloved and treasured part of this nation's heritage. It first appeared in Office 97, coinciding with the Tories being out of office in the same year. Nevertheless, the current Government has decided that Clippy has many advantages relevant to today's issues.


"Are you looking for a picture of a big dog?"


"Do you want to convert that to pints?"


"Would you like to draw a line under something?"


The greatest benefit appears to be that whenever Clippy starts asking really awkward questions like "Did you mean steel or steal?", the PM can simply switch it off.



First published 19 Jun 2022


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
















Drawing a line under things and moving on



PM Boris Johnson – proof that you can achieve anything if you’re rich, white and male enough – has inspired others to draw lines under things and move on.


Shelley Stevenson told partner Youssef Younis ‘Sorry babes, I’ve been shagging your brother, now let’s draw a line under this and move on.’ A heartbroken Younis choked back tears as he replied ‘Well, in fairness I have gambled away our savings, car and house. Now let’s draw a line under this and move on.’


Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst noted ‘Boris has been drawing a line under things and moving on – jobs, wives, children, responsibilities – his whole life. The important thing to realise is that there are no consequences for him. Shelley and Youssef on the other hand are fucked.’


image from pixabay



First published 11 Jun 2022


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
















bottom of page