Chaos and confusion as Matt Hancock attends cabinet meeting

In a leaked transcript of the latest Tory Cabinet meeting, it appears chaos and confusion ensued when ministers found Matt Hancock already seated at the table.

‘Hi guys,’ he said to his dumbfounded former colleagues. ‘God, it’s great to be back. That break was just what I needed, but here I am refreshed and ready to tackle this ruddy pandemic, if you’ll pardon my French!’

Silence fell on the room, as Mr Hancock continued to grin and look desperately at the Prime Minister.

It was Michael Gove who broke the silence, saying: ‘But, Matt, you resigned as a minister, you resigned from the Cabinet.’

‘Oh, that! Well, it’s been a fair few days now, surely that whole affair has blown over now, no pun intended,' Mr Hancock said. 'I mean it’s not as though you had to sack me, not really. And Boris, you said in your letter that my contribution to public service was far from over.’

Mr Johnson responded by saying: ‘Oh, err, crikey,’ before going on to repeat a number of comments about the vaccine rollout and Latin phrases.

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