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Chilcot to publish Southern Rail timetable

The long-awaited revised timetable is set to be published, with a damning verdict on the war criminals responsible for scheduling trains on the London to Brighton line. Families of those affected by the rail delays are hoping that their sons and daughters will be exonerated; or at the very least will make it home by midnight. One commuter said: ‘We’ve waited seven years for this timetable – which is marginally longer than the wait for my next train’.

Tony Blair was found guilty of spreading leaves on the line and claiming that trains from Chichester can reach Horsham in less than 45 minutes. One journalist who had seen the report commented: ‘It’s bogus, it’s all about regime change, moving from nationalized to private. And the link to 9/11 was completely spurious, as those were planes not trains…and they arrived ahead of schedule’.

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