Increasing reports are coming in from prominent middle class areas that the rise in the cost of living has caused a huge rise in incidents of passive aggressive behaviour. We sent a team of reporters into a Surrey suburb to find out what's happening. They spoke to a number of victims that we will not name as they asked for anonymity (private school exams coming up, they didn't want to be seen as troublemakers).
"We all have to tighten our belts these days," said Pamela, 42), "I've switched from premium brands to the Waitrose select range. People have been literally giving me sympathetic false smiles when they look in my trolley. I've had 3 drive-by tuttings this month alone." She went on to explain how she hurries away from drop-off at her son's prep school as she doesn't want to tell them which private school he's going to, "It's one of the cheaper ones. I mean their school trip is only to Costa Rica to work in a Monkey hospital for god's sake". It was heart breaking seeing her breakdown.
Another frazzled Mum told me of the reductions in the Fortnum's Pate range and the complete breakdown in artisan charcouterie supply. She had to ask her daughter to eat her packed in the school toilets as they only had store bought sliced prosciutto on sourdough in the house. They no longer even try to find Madelines or Pain au Chocolat, it's hopeless. She told me that even a Costa Coffee had opened on the high street.
"It'll be a Sainsbury's Express or something next", she told me, "we'll have to move Hampshire or something."
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