The Independent Press Standards Association (Ipso) says it has been inundated with complaints following yesterday’s publication from the 14-year-old.
In the article, Templeton-Dorset began with a long history of beetroot and feta followed by quotes from manufacturers, fans and a spokeswoman from the BFG (Beetroot and Feta Groupies), an organisation recently proscribed by home secretary Yvette Cooper.
'The whole f***ing point of a Guardian comment piece is to make it all about you, no matter how tedious,' wrote Sally Nibbles on Facebook. 'Absolutely outrageous. I did a spellcheck on the article and no ‘I’ came up.
'I was looking forward to reading about someone’s personal struggle with a jam jar that wouldn’t open, or why their pepper mill didn’t work, or why Courchevel is better than St Moritz this year, but…'
A spokesman for The Guardian offered sincere apologies for offence caused. 'We understand it caused a lot of distress. It was a one-off that backfired. We tried re-educate the writer as to the normal and expected Guardian style when it comes to root vegetables and Greek cheese, but he was having none of it.'
Photo by AbsolutVision on Unsplash
A Suffolk man has based his entire work-persona and all office social interactions on his coffee preferences, it can be revealed.
Philip Deering from Scole is either "basically unconscious until I get me morning coffee!' or 'bouncing of the freakin' walls, mate!' according to his unilaterally-imposed and relentless statements to coworkers, as well as any passing cleaning or delivery staff who will listen, which is none.
Other unsolicited and vapid bean-based announcements include "Tea's not strong enough for me!', 'Need my coffee hit!," and '"ought myself a new cafetiere with a handcrafted oak plunger!" according to weary colleagues.
'Phil's mundane and ostensibly self-depreciating "addiction" updates are actually nothing more than thinly disguised and bizarrely pitched caffeine brags, though quite whom he is trying to impress is difficult to ascertain,' laments Jenny from Accounts, fresh from her fifteen minute ordeal at the copier.
This morning I was forced to listen to a review of his latest "artisan'"baboon-picked, vanilla guano beans. Its was quite frankly the most boring and faux-middle-class thing I've ever heard - and also meant I couldn't get a word in about my new wild yoga business or our wonderful new gardener, James. Oh you must meet him, a wizard with the orchids!'
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash