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COVID-19 headlining Reading Festival.

Festival organisers have confirmed that coronavirus, after a busy world tour, will be on the main stage at Reading and on pretty much everything else. Although it will be a short appearance, the impact of the concert could last a lifetime – which might be up to a few days.

Fans are looking forward to breathing in the atmosphere and then spending time in hospital. Known for their hit song ‘My Corona’, the band also does a series of Police covers; including ‘Every breath you take, Every sneeze you make’, ‘So Lonely, under House Quarantine’ and ‘Don’t stand so close me – really, Please Don’t.’

Said one excited fan of old-school influenza: ‘The great thing about seeing the band, is that you have wonderful sight-lines no matter where you are. In the portaloo, by the breakfast tent - COVID-19 is everywhere. It’s like you can reach out and touch it – without the hand gel. It’s like your own personal concert, with non-stop vomiting and diahorrea– a bit like when Oasis played’.

Coronavirus’ set is usually followed by a standing ovation and then three weeks lying in bed. For those who cannot afford to get tickets, not worry, COVID-19 is coming soon to an arena/bedroom near you.

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