Purveyors of utterly mindless shite to the masses, broadcaster ITV, has announced it no longer wishes to contribute to Simon Cowell's personal fortune, and has axed its one time flagship entertainment show, The X Factor.
A channel spokesman said: 'It took us a while to twig what was going on but the penny finally dropped when we were having an Exec quiz night at the pub. One question was: Name five winners of the X Factor, but between us we just got one and we had the show's commissioning editor on our team. It was only because someone happened to be playing Leona Lewis on the juke box in the public bar next door that we got her, actually.
'When he pitched the show Simon said it was a new concept, and certainly not in the least bit like Opportunity Knocks or New Faces of bygone days. "It's designed to make unknown wannabes into stars," he told us. Well quite clearly that was a whopping lie, so we're closing down the whole sick scam.'
The broadcaster was keeping its cards close to its chest today on what it might introduce to challenge the BBC's Strictly Come Dancing in the Autumn schedules. However, the spokesman refused to confirm or deny strong rumours circulating in media circles, a new game show, Ant & Dec's Whose Arse is it Anyway? co-hosted by Holly Willoughby and Keith Lemon, is currently in production at a closed set in Elstree.