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Dentist replaced by bloke who will thump you in the face

As part of its NHS reform, the government is going to focus on tying your rotten tooth to a door handle. The PM explained: 'You don't need a dentist, you just need a bottle of vodka and some pliers.'

Under the new system 'MadDog McGinty' will thump you in the kisser, thus removing any unwanted teeth and changing the angle of your nose in the process. Fillings will be done with cement mix and orthodontics braces will no longer be needed, if everyone shuts up about your crooked teeth.

For those on a tight budget, all your teeth will be removed and replaced with cheaper, joke-shop fangs. If anyone wants root canal, they can simply use a masonry drill. While those requiring a crown, stick some chewing gum to the end of your tooth. 'If anyone wants tooth whitening, I've a pot of tippex you can have'.

image from pixabay

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