Double glazing salesmen & Jehovah's Witnesses to give door-to-door vaccine jabs
In much the same way the government allow garage mechanics and cut-price nail bar manicurists to inject Botox into people's eyes, a similar methodology will apply for covid vaccines.
The Minister for Sharp Pointy Things announced the announcement in an announcement they announced earlier today: 'Because we cocked things up and the virus is now running amok, we're employing an army of essential workers to knock on doors starting on Thursday.
'Double glazing salesmen are universally popular, and everyone will welcome them into their homes, safe in the knowledge they'll be quoted a ridiculous price for poor quality UPVC windows. We calculate that the window of opportunity between halving the price and gullible morons realising they've been taken for a ride is only 14.5 seconds. This is ample time to stab them in the face with a needle before being shown the door.
Jehovah's Witnesses need to be more nimble on their toes. Although they are invariably over-dressed for the occasion and unfailingly polite on the doorstep, they only have around 3.7 seconds before the door slams in their cheery faces and a hale and hearty FUCK YOU WITH YOUR RELIGIOUS BOLLOCKS reverberates in their eardrums.'