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Elton John and Prince Harry offset carbon footprint by planting more poor people

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have avoided criticism of taking four private jet journeys in 11 days, by agreeing to plant a forest the size of Wales, over Wales.  The 8,000 square mile woodland will comprise of 3,000,000 impoverished Welsh; all planted head-first to maximise the carbon absorption from their knitted socks.

Sir Elton John defended the scheme, as the safest the way for Prince Harry to travel and the most humane way to treat the people of Wales.  Poor people are a naturally occurring renewable resource and no have need of a luxury holiday in Nice or food, for that matter. 

A spokeswoman for Sir Elton insisted that using a private jet avoided the press intrusion that contributed to Princess Diana's death: ‘…as scooter-driving, French journalists regularly pursue celebs at 33,000 feet, at a cruise speed of 567 miles per hour.’

Some have questioned Prince Harry’s eco- credentials given his propensity for plane travel and shooting wildlife, but Sir Elton insisted Prince Harry was a ‘candle in the wind’ – made of whale fat.

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