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  • Writer's pictureCara

Father laments lack of French Traffickers' interest in kidnapping his daughter

Anthony Ward, 56, has recently expressed his disappointment over never needing to rescue his teenage daughter Kirsty from French sex traffickers.

The father of two's "very particular set of skills" include shadow-punching in the kitchen, knowing the military alphabet and holding a side-plank for 90 seconds. This menacing repertoire has equipped him to best hordes of armed men in hand-to-hand combat.

'I don't want anything bad to happen to Kirsty.' Anthony tells us. 'I just want something bad to almost happen to her so I can swoop in and save her at the last minute.'

'It's getting out of hand,' Anthony's wife Sheila says. 'When Kirsty went to the Leeds festival last year, he just sat by the phone the whole time, muttering his planned speech to himself. I didn't have the heart to tell him that the landline doesn't work anymore.'

'I wonder if he just needs to feel needed,' Kirsty ponders. 'Which he is, just for normal Dad stuff, like helping me with taxes and driving my sister to gymnastics, not silently killing a dozen anonymous henchmen.'

Anthony continues to train daily upon hearing that Kirsten is planning a camping holiday to Aberystwyth. 'Traffickers beware.' he warns, reading a Welsh phrasebook and doing a single push up on the bathroom floor.

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