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David Cameron announces interest in England Manager role


In a surprise attempt to return to public office for a third time, David Cameron has announced his interest in the vacant post of England Manager.


Lord Cameron of Chipping Norton has released a statement in which he says, ‘Look, I am very keen on the role of England Manager. There are people who say I know bugger all about football, but I have plenty of experience in sudden and disappointing exits from Europe.


'It might come as a surprise, but I've always enjoyed the game, even while I was Foreign Secretary. I'd occasionally pop out of a boring NATO meeting, pull on a pair of Converse pumps that Sam had picked out for me, and do a couple of uppy keepies.  


'And I know how popular the game is to the British people, especially outside the Cotswolds. Visiting tradespeople always speak highly of it.  I tell anyone whether they are a proud Tottenham Villa fan or West Harlequins that I’ve had experience dealing with difficult left-wingers over the years, although it’s the right-wingers in my own team who are the real bastards.


Look, I know the players will be looking forward to me scrumming down with them. There are some who have apparently taken a keen interest in the alleged incident involving a part of my anatomy and a pig’s head and I say to them, fine, I would be delighted to perform it again at Wayne Lineker’s bar in Ibiza.'


Picture credit: Wix AI

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