England manager Thomas Tuchel has confirmed that his World Cup squad has practiced deliberately but surreptitiously punching the ball into the goal ahead of their semi-final match against Argentina. Players such as Harry Kane and Anthony Gordon, who are already skilled at diving in the penalty area and feigning injury, are said to be excited at adding a new cheating aspect to their game.
Tuchel denied that the initiative has anything to do with the ‘Hand of God’ incident in the England v Argentina World Cup game in 1986. Nevertheless, he said that he was pleased that the game will be played in Atlanta, adding that revenge is a dish best served in an air-conditioned stadium.
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Donald Trump today raged against corruption at the bigly soccer jamboree after waking from an unscheduled nap to the news that USA had been thrashed by Belgium after the reinstatement of a banned player.
After having his nappy changed and being reminded that the reinstated player was the star player of the USA, Trump called a press conference in which he said
' I call for this match to be declared void, and victory be awarded to the United States team. Not only did a banned player play, but the foreign players from France or Belgium or whatever shitty country it was that would be speaking German if if it wasn't for us, had the nerve to mock me.
The hostility toward me is uncalled for. Yes, I phoned Infantino. Great name Infantino, don't you think? I may claim it as my own. Infantino. Wonderful. Yes, I did call my friend Gianni, but I actually pointed out that Balogun played at youth level for England and now plays in the French league and deserved to be sent off. He was terrible in the game he should have been banned for. Terrible.
He may well be detained when attempting to leave the USA to return to France. Belgium won because a banned player took to the field in our colours and planted himself like a tree. He cheated against Bosnia AND Hurtyvagina, and then cheated us. That's 3 cheats, you know. Who can cheat three times and go unpunished? No. He has to face the consequences. All three host nations are now out. That's real bad business. Not the best, you know. I know business better than anyone.'
image from Grok
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