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Feng Shui is just Chinese for ‘Health & Safety’

After decades of rearranging the furniture, translators have revealed that Chinese Geomancy was just a set of rules to stop you bumping into the furniture. Complex instructions about airflow were actually to do with your gas fire needing a flue.

Explained one Feng Shui expert: ‘When building a property, who cares about positive energy, first check that it’s not built on swampland. You don’t need magic crystals to make sure your plumbing works. And when we said make it south facing, it was to stop your neighbours staring into your bedroom’.

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