Waitrose – ever keen to distinguish itself from ordinary supermarkets – is offering a new premium service to its shoppers. Customers can now buy hens’ eggs and duck eggs in range of popular colours to match their home decor. This means that customers can – at long last – have eggs that are fully colour co-ordinated with their kitchens. A tame marketing nerd told us that focus groups had identified beige, cream, duck egg blue, and the Orla Keily leaf pattern in autumn colours as the most desirable. Eggs can be produced in most colours by including dye in the birds’ diet. For an additional fee, eggs can be produced to precisely colour-match the customer’s requirements. Work continues on dietary supplements to deliver more complicated designs, such as egg shells showing the Union Flag, or tartan patterns. Waitrose will be selling the colour co-ordinated eggs in clear plastic egg boxes, so that customers can show them off to their friends. A specially commissioned wooden egg holder in Burmese Blackwood will also be available so that you can display them to best advantage. The new eggs are expected to be popular and Waitrose will be hiring extra security staff to manage customer queues. A spokesman for the supermarket said ‘Take that, Amazon!’
A spokeman for the police said ‘We’ll just stick with the free coffees, thanks.’
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