Easter Bunny to strike over pay and conditions

The Easter Bunny will be on strike this year in a dispute over pay, pensions and working conditions.

'I'm on a zero hours contract,' said the Easter Bunny. I don't get much work during the year, until Easter, where it all goes a bit mad.  I do help the elves a bit at Christmas, as I'm allowed to handle chocolate gifts and baubles.  So, I'm on the bread line, and hopping mad.

'Because I'm on a zero hours contract, I can't use the company gym or the staff discount scheme.   And I don't get to go on team awaydays.   Which isn't a problem, actually.

'I get docked money if any of the eggs are damaged, but I'm so busy over the Easter weekend that it's impossible to deliver everything safely.   Some years I run a deficit - I pay more for damaged eggs that I get paid.  I think the company is institutionally rabbitist, but HR say that I'm not covered by the Egg Qualities Act.  My lawyer has suggested telling the company that I'm trans - that should put the wind up then.

The company says that children should not worry about getting their Easter eggs, as they have recruited hundreds of non-union Easter Bunny Community Support Officers and agency staff to do the work instead.

Picture credit: stable diffusion

Explosion in chicken coop: farmer left with egg on his face

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Finally – eggs to match the colour of your kitchen!

Waitrose – ever keen to distinguish itself from ordinary supermarkets – is offering a new premium service to its shoppers. Customers can now buy hens’ eggs and duck eggs in range of popular colours to match their home decor. This means that customers can – at long last – have eggs that are fully colour co-ordinated with their kitchens. A tame marketing nerd told us that focus groups had identified beige, cream, duck egg blue, and the Orla Keily leaf pattern in autumn colours as the most desirable. Eggs can be produced in most colours by including dye in the birds’ diet. For an additional fee, eggs can be produced to precisely colour-match the customer’s requirements. Work continues on dietary supplements to deliver more complicated designs, such as egg shells showing the Union Flag, or tartan patterns. Waitrose will be selling the colour co-ordinated eggs in clear plastic egg boxes, so that customers can show them off to their friends. A specially commissioned wooden egg holder in Burmese Blackwood will also be available so that you can display them to best advantage. The new eggs are expected to be popular and Waitrose will be hiring extra security staff to manage customer queues. A spokesman for the supermarket said ‘Take that, Amazon!’

A spokeman for the police said ‘We’ll just stick with the free coffees, thanks.’

image from pixabay