The number of EU nationals joining nursing fell by 96%, which means the UK can focus on recruiting more valued professions – such as sex-trafficked strawberry pickers. A Home Office spokeswoman explained: ‘Too often you see nurses smuggled into the country in the back of container lorries; only to be found wandering the streets at night - fighting in food banks with urban foxes. Nurses work in unsanitary conditions, often surrounded by disease and will stick a thermometer up your bottom as soon as look at you. Would you want to live next door to one?
‘The NHS is also a breeding ground for radicalization – radical ideas like health care should be free at source. Communities become disrupted by an influx of nurses; who naturally establish ‘health ghettos’ – filled with vitamins, bed baths and those weird fob watches, which make them all look like an 18th century dandy.’ Meanwhile, tempers and temperatures run high in the nursing camp in Calais, which is daubed with the slogan - ‘Go back to where you come from – some sort of medical school, I guess’.
If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
 |  |  |