1. Always punch down - they'll never expect it!
2. Use the 'N' word. (Unless you’re black - that's too obvious).
3. Host charity events while not paying taxes.
4. Having 1 million followers on Twitter but no self-awareness.
5. Claim you are a truth teller while quoting Fox news.
6. Refuse to drop kick Giles Coren, even when you had a chance.
7. Mistaking sneering for insight.
8. Mistaking dinner parties for political parties.
9. Pretending that you are the only person who thinks Boris is a kn$b.
10. And yet willingly sacrifice your own children to Beelzebub for a chance of your own gameshow.