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Have you tried freezing to death, asks Government

Conservative ministers have suggested that you simply turn off your heating to save money, in the hope that many lower income families will freeze to death.

One Conservative MP added ‘In particular, we need to ice Mick Lynch so fewer people notice us openly screwing over rail staff and nurses. More generally, we need lots of lower income families to simply die so that we do less appallingly at the next election. The Tories' colour is blue because that's the colour of everybody's fingers these days.'

'If you can't afford heating why not just get an after dinner speaking gig? Boris has made £1 million in 3 months and he can barely string a sentence together - or you can just warm yourself up directly using all the hot air he generates.'

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