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Johnson defends Isle of Skye withdrawal

Boris Johnson has today defended the UK's military withdrawal from the Isle of Skye. The occupation, the UK's longest overseas deployment, comes after peace talks with the indigenous 'Essenpee' tribe last year, which were held in Cockermouth.

The Essenpee, who practice an ultra-devout form of fried Mars bar-eating washed down with Frosty Jack, gave assurances last year that the withdrawal would be 'Nae bother, hen' but local residents have already complained that the peace talks and assurances from the group were 'bollocks'.

Mr Johnson, speaking from the depths of an inflatable sex doll, stated: 'We should be proud of the sacrifices made - indeed they have not been in vain - but Skye is an awful long way away and people will hopefully forget about it tout suite'.


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