Critically ill patients will soon be treated by a car servicing and repair company in a bid to cut waiting times. Reacting to news that people are sick of experts, the government has instructed ambulances to take patients to their nearest garage for spare parts, to have their blood drained, new filters, and replacement sump plug washers. Cheerful mechanics will offer brain surgery and open-heart procedures while-u-wait.
A spokesman for Kwik Fit said: ‘If you’re French or German there might a delay in getting the parts, but otherwise we’ll have you up and running again in no time at all.’