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‘Lorraine Kelly’ is code-name for the Cayman Islands


A tribunal has ruled that the bubbly TV host does not actually exist and is in fact an elaborate scam – involving unmarked bills, a human-sized puppet and a Glaswegian ventriloquist.  The fake Kelly has even avoided a £1.2m tax bill by revealing herself to be an autonomous British Overseas Territory, in the western Caribbean Sea, somewhere off the coast of Gary Barlow.


Global tax avoiders have also hid their identity inside a baggy celebrity, fat-suit, called ‘Adrian Chiles’.  In 2012, Kelly was given an OBE partly for services tax evasion but mainly for sheer twinkly-eye-ness.  The Judge ruled that Kelly was a ‘brand’ not a person; noting of other daytime presenters, that Phillip Schofield was not a person but just a grey wig, Piers Morgan was ruptured spleen and that Holly Willoughby – was a just a ‘enormous pair of t$ts’.


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