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Man wildly optimistic ahead of flat pack assembly

A man with no DIY experience has set aside around 15 minutes to assemble a 300 piece cabin bed this weekend.

Having glanced through the 36-page instruction booklet, 40-year-old Nick Ferguson plans to start the job at around 6pm on Saturday and will definitely be done by quarter past if not slightly before.

'I'll simultaneously be making a vegetarian chilli,' he said. 'And I'm going to complete both tasks in a cool and fun way that involves my three young children.'

Meanwhile Mrs Ferguson was hastily making plans to take the kids to her mothers.

'DIY with Nick is what you might call a journey,' she said.

'One that begins relatively calmly, progresses to high strength alcohol and ends with him screaming Rudyard Kiplings 'If' into the mirror at around 1.30am.

'Usually with a serious injury to his face or hands.'

Image: Pixabay/bidvine

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