The UK is being told to brace for the greatest freak weather event of 2022 – a day with no storm force winds, pelting rain or blizzards when people in some parts of the country may even get a glimpse of the sun.
"We are issuing a fine weather warning," said a Met Office spokesman, "because it may come as a severe shock to some people to go through a day in which trees are not blown across train tracks, roofs are not wrenched-off arenas, and millions of homes are not plunged into darkness by power cuts.
"Following Storms Dudley, Eunice and Franklin, we'll be calling this rare event "Fair Weather Anthea", and we predict it will happen sometime in the next month … or at least in the next year.
"It's an 'A' name because it'll be the first day of the year when the weather doesn't make you want to die, and it's named after TV's Anthea Turner because we forecast conditions will be pleasant, breezy and ever so slightly unexciting."
Chancellor Rishi Sunak will outline plans in parliament to mark the day by raising a new 'Fair Weather Tax' on households - a variant of the Treasury's lucrative 'Windfall Tax', which it raises on people who have had bits of their property ripped down by gale-force winds.