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Met Office forecasters in line for a bank holiday bonus



'Sunshine, mediocre temperatures, high winds with associated wind chill, icy blasts, rain, hail, snow and fog all on a bank holiday weekend, and that's just Brighton,' said a Met Office union leader adding, 'and nobody predicted it.  If that isn't bonus territory, I don't know what is.  Michael Fish dined out for years on his "gale, what gale" moment years ago.  It's practically custom and practise,' he added.


A Met Office manager was less convinced.  'They didn't predict hell freezing over either, but that's the starting point in this organisation,' he pointed out.

'Primary source of fog still Bonnie Tyler pop video from the 1980s' confirms Met Office


Leading meteorologists based in the UK have traced the source of all global fog to a pop video made in 1985. 'Total Eclipse of the Heart is the reason why we have mists rolling in from the sea and why it's always a pea souper on bonfire night,' explained bright-eyed weather guru Tomasz Schafernaker. The only thing we still can't explain is what's going on with those illuminated peepers at the end of the video.


'Many people wrongly believe it was due to an appearance on Top of the Pops by Cliff Richard, when Cliff gradually became shrouded until we couldn't see him anymore. But that was a one-off event in a BBC controlled environment and played out precisely as intended. So it does not explain those weird pictures of San Francisco Bay where all you can see are the top bits of the Golden Gate Bridge.


'That is caused by the fog created for the Take My Breath Away video in 1986, which was so bad that it affected Midge Ure when he visited Vienna 6 years earlier. You might be interested to learn that this is not the only case of Berlin invading the Austro-Hungarian region.


'If the fog sometimes seems a bit yellow to you, then it's not pollution. That's just David Dickinson's fake tan escaping into the atmosphere in a perfectly natural way.'



First published 5 May 2022



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UK temperatures set to exceed Corfu next week - according to MSM



Get your sun block ready, the temperature in parts of the UK - not your part, obviously, it never is - are set to exceed those in Corfu next week. 


Admittedly Corfu is looking like it is in line for a sh!t week weatherwise, but the point of dramatic headlines isn't to inform, it's to encourage click bait.  So hunt out those hot links, click like there is no tomorrow (which was last week's big headline and very nearly came true) and stock up on Viagra, soft porn and those amazing chairs that lift you up to a standing position with no obvious way of supporting yourself once there.  Don't forget to use your bank card details.


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