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Nation eagerly awaits naked Pippa Middleton

Seen rubbing their hands and other body parts with glee, the British public reacted positively to the news that online photographs of Miss Middleton have been stolen. If her iCloud collection is half as saucy as everyone else's, the nation's masturbators should be in for a real treat.

There is some debate as to whether naked photographs of Miss Middleton are technically owned by the Crown or a simply an area of outstanding beauty. However, there is a growing sentiment that we have had 'England's Rose' but we would rather see 'England's hoes'. Explained one Instagram user: 'Obviously I respect Pippa as an author and philanthropist and... oh, who am I kidding, I just want to see her nudey bits'.

Some middle-aged men are already booking extended holidays, while shops are reportedly running out of stocks of Kleenex. By contrast firewall experts have warned that the plethora of spam email promising links to images of a 'posh arse', may be a scam designed to get your bank details or show you pictures of Boris Johnson.

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