Scientists in London today reveal that, following a 6 year research project, swearing is big and clever contrary to existing wisdom.
Dr Robert Anderton of Kings College told journalists, "Ladies, Gentlemen, c***s, w*****s and t***s, I am pleased to report that following what felt like a f*** of a long time, we have managed to scientifically ascertain that swearing is indeed big, in some cases huge, and f*****g clever." He went on, "this negates previous research, by some thick t***s, whereby they had falsely assumed that swearing displayed limited vocabulary, diminished social skill and low IQ. Unfortunately, they look like right c***s now."
The research is likely to have far reaching consequences for scientific research in general but also curriculum in schools and Universities. China is already thought to be building a huge f*** off research facility dedicated to swearing efficiency, volume and offence. Medical researchers are also experimenting with shouting swear words during laboratory testing. Early indications are said to be "f*****g positive".
Dr Anderton's team will now turn their attention to the critical question as to whether wind changes do indeed make your face stay that way.
author: simonjjames
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