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Poverty pervert MP caught with hookers and tomatoes

A barely fictional Tory MP has been caught on film with several prostitutes and 40 tins of chopped tomatoes.

Before putting the ball gag back in his mouth, the MP fumed: ‘Cameron stuck his wang in a dead pig’s head. Boris stuck his – well to be honest I dread to think. There’s a shortage of cucumbers too, so you can imagine what he’s up to with those.

‘But I get one prostitute, OK three prostitutes, to smear my naked body in chopped tomatoes and all of a sudden, I’m a poverty pervert? It’s not like I’m into hardcore stuff like ketchupping. What’s ketchupping? If you know, you know… and I know.

‘Now shove that broccoli up my arse or get out.’

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