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Save on Winter fuel costs – use the elderly as kindling

One Eugenicist explained: ‘It’s a delicate balance between caring and supporting the weakest in society, but not really wanting to pay for them. If a few more of the elderly would have the good grace to pop their clogs a little earlier, we could make serious inroads into the pensions deficit’.

The Department for Work and Pensions propose to give them a helping hand or a little push in the right direction: ‘We’re looking to shave off a smidgeon of their life expectancy – TV licences made of asbestos, lead-coated bus passes and giving them a nice warm coat, made to look like a large badger suit’.


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