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Scotland to be asked to work for free

The Chancellor declared that the UK was short of funds since the last taxpayer died, in 1978. Technically no one north of the Watford gap has contributed anything to the nation’s finances since Magna Carta. While an elaborate pie chat of public finances, showed that 24.5% of all welfare spending goes to one tenement building in Manchester.

A Treasury spokesperson admitted that immigrants have added £4.96bn to the economy but claimed that they had also stolen two thirds of the White Cliffs of Dover: ‘If you look carefully at this Venn diagram of the nation’s wealth, you can see this big money circle around the richest 1% and the poorest 99% just outside of the circle. That’s because poor people smell. They just smell. Can’t be helped. They just do’.

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