Officers from Hobbiton Constabulary were called to a violent disturbance at the Green Dragon Pub in The Shire, Middle Earth after a brawl broke out between a gang of orcs and hobbits watching the semi-final in the Mystical World Cup being held in Mordor.
Sam Gamgee, a gardener from The Hill area, told reporters, 'I was just sitting there with my master, like watching the game, when all of a sudden this orc matey jumps up on a table, all body amour, bloodstains and gore, points at us hobbits and starts singing 'you're all shit with hairy feet, doo-dah doo-dah. You're all shit with hairy feet, doo-dah doo-dah day.'
'Well, that was it, and it all kicked off big style with chairs, bottles and glasses flying everywhere - total carnage and very scary. But luckily, this old chap, Mr Gandalf, had just arrived in the village. Next thing he shakes his staff and the bar's enveloped by coloured lights and the sound of rushing wind, then everything sort of calms down again.' 'Mind, I still feels dazed and confused after that and don't even know who won the game.'
Meanwhile, it's understood Gamgee's master, local celebrity, Frodo Baggins, is wanted for questioning. Det Sgt Ted Sandyman told reporters. 'I can confirm Baggins is a person of interest in this matter, but his whereabouts are currently unknown after he somehow managed to disappear into thin air during the fracas.'