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Still no agreement on buffet breakfast arrangements for G7

With only a few days to go until the G7 summit, morning meal matters are still unresolved and could lead to a serious diplomatic incident.

Government sources have commented that no 'continental breakfasts' will be served in the Carbis Bay restaurant to reflect ongoing tension around the NI Protocol with the EU. World leaders will only be able to access the 'full British breakfast' by queuing up in order of length of governmental leadership. There are concerns that Angela Merkel (who will be first in the queue) will either take more than her share of sausage or let more undocumented asylum seekers sneak into the kitchen area by creating a fork dropping diversion to distract the Home Secretary.

Civil servants have resolved who will get to sit at 'the back of the bus' and as far as way as possible from the teachers on the excursion trip to the Eden Project. Apparently, Emmanuel Macron needs to sit there because 'these are the only places on the bus where you can comfortably put a booster seat'. This has also avoided a possible spat with Ursula von der Leyen, who insisted that being put at the back of the bus would amount to messaging that a trade deal with the EU was not a priority as this is the part of the bus that is usually closest to the bog. There are also rumours on the group Whatsapp that Justin Trudeau has 'totally been seen' outside Burger King chatting up the new French teacher.

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