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The search continues for America’s worst candidate


Much to the frustration of Iowa voters, Tuesday’s caucus races failed to deliver a calamitous front-runner that the US could view with universal disdain. Instead, the primaries split the electorate between a series of Republicans that ranged from the lamentable to the woeful. With little difference between a ruinous Cruz presidency and a zombie-apocalypse. This sudden deficit of exceptional morons leads to the question - how do you vote for the lesser of all evils, if everyone has cloven hooves and pitchfork?


Democrats have also ruled out Obama running for a third term, not due to constitutional reasons but simply because he is too competent. This leaves Americans with the unenviable task of asking Bill Cosby to run as an independent candidate. One Iowan said: ‘We need one unifying dimwit to bring the country together, which is why I’m endorsing Kanye West for 2020.’

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